Hold Me Till I Die
by LonelySugartits
Summary: It should have been a day just like the others, but something was different. Something delicate was embracing her and it gave her a sense of calmness and well-being that she wasn't feeling in such a long time. Rated T for now
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, only this story.

 **A/N:** Reading Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell made me want to write again! Have you read it? I loved it! So, here's another Rizzle fics that has been on my mind these months, but I was so busy that I couldn't write it until now. And... since we're heading to Christmas I thought it was nice to set the story at this time of the year. I apologize for every mistake I have made writing this chapter and for the ones that I know I'll make in the future. I don't know how many chapters this story will be, but not a lot because I have other stories in my mind! _**AND, yes, it's Rizzles endgame!**_

 **A/N2:** The title is from: Pearl Jam - Breath

 _Hope you'll like it!_

 **Hold me 'till I die**

 **Chap01**

It should have been a day just like the others, but something was different. Something delicate was embracing her and it gave her a sense of calmness and well-being that she wasn't feeling in such a long time. Like everything was OK. Like everything didn't happen. Like she hadn't found Maura 48 hours after she had been kidnapped, covered in bruises and scared like hell. Like she hadn't risked losing forever.

Months have passed since Jane broke in the warehouse where he was keeping Maura. It was the same warehouse where Jane had shot Paddy Doyle. That psycho had done things perfectly. He tried to destroy Jane in every way possible and seeing Maura tied up in a chair, muzzled, hurt and scared was almost her undoing. Her downfall. Almost because the sight in front of her gave her courage and strength. The awareness of that situation, the possibility of Maura dying in front of her gave Jane a rush of adrenaline that helped her to hunt down the kidnapper. Kent Drake. He always gave Jane the creeps. And now she understood why. So she shot him at the same moment Kent yelled her to put her gun down. A single shot and he was lying on the floor. Dead. Maura was safe now. Korsak and Frankie took care of that bastard and Jane rushed to her bestfriend…

A frustrated sigh brought her out from her thoughts. Jane's eyes scanned the living room at Beacon Hill and stopped on Maura, who was decorating their Christmas Tree. Something was bothering the ME: a Christmas decoration that wouldn't stand on the tree. A delicate smile curled up Jane lips. She took their glasses full of eggnog and went to help her bestfriend paying attention to not scare her. Since she had been kidnapped, Maura was always vigilant, tense, easy to frighten. Jane learned it at her expense one day that she entered Maura's bedroom without letting her know her presence. Maura had a panic attack and Jane was at a loss as to what to do to calm her friend down.

"Let me…" Jane told her with a smile. She gave her the glasses to take care of that rebel Christmas decoration. "Is it okay?"

Maura nodded and smiled with gratitude. She always thought that wasn't thanking Jane enough for everything. For saving her. For her presence in her life. Even if Jane always said the opposite. One of the most terrifying moments of that abduction was when Maura saw Kent point his gun at Jane. She took a sip of her drink knowing that now it was over. Jane saved her. Jane was staying with her at Beacon Hill because she wasn't ready to leave Maura alone, even if everything happened months ago. They found each other entangled in Maura's bed at night, sleeping. It became a routine that neither of them wanted to stop. And secretly enjoyed. They were alive and in each other arms.

"Couch and Netflix?" These were the first words that Maura spoke since she began to decorate the Christmas tree. Jane left her alone only to prepare the eggnog, happy that Maura was so relaxed.

"Sure, why not. What do you wanna watch?" Jane was ready to let out a groan, fearing Maura's choice, but the truth was that she even enjoyed every documentary Maura picked out in the past. There was something intriguing and sweet in the sight of Maura watching them. Her hazel eyes were always sparkling, her goofy grin huge. Jane loved it.

"Home Alone 1&2." Maura replied and Jane raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"Really?"

"I need a good laugh." Maura shrugged her shoulders and Jane understood. "They're two Christmas classics, by the way. But if you prefer, we can watch 'It's a Wonderful Life'".

"No, hell, no!" Maura laughed at Jane's answer. They sat on the couch and Maura threw a blanket over their legs.

"I'm not afraid of burglars. I have you here with me, Detective." It should have been a joke but Jane knew that there was something more. Truth and fair were hidden in those words. Jane put one arm around Maura shoulders and kissed her temple. Lightly.

"Was it a joke, Maur?" She smirked.

"Only if it was funny." Maura rested her head on Jane's shoulder.

"It was, Maur. It was." Jane whispered while the movie began.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sue:** I think the same and it's something that I want to work on this fic. No matter what happens between them, they'll always have each other.

 **Guest:** thank you to point out those mistakes to me! I replaced chapter 1 with your corrections!

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 **Hold me till I die**

 **Chap02**

They took a vacation from work. It was something unusual for both of them, but this time Jane and Maura needed it. They tried to forget what happened working almost every hour of the day, for three months. Now they realized that a break was needed. The Christmas season was the reason behind their choice. A season of sweetness, of love. A season to enjoy what they have and what they almost lost: themselves.

There were days when Jane seemed tormented, distressed. Her brown-chocolate eyes, always so full of emotions, would become preoccupied and guilty. Maura tried to talk to her, but Jane - being Jane - always shrugged her shoulders, smiled and told her that she was fine. That everything was okay.

Jane looked relaxed only when they went to sleep. She always waited for Maura to enjoy her in "their" bedroom, arms wide open for her. Knowing Maura felt now uneasy to sleep in the dark, Jane always left her bedside table lamp on for her. A kiss on a forehead, or on a cheek, goodnight whispered in the low light.

Opening her eyes, Maura looked at Jane. She was still sleeping, peacefully. The ME took a deep breath, her nose nuzzling Jane's throat to enjoy her bestfriend's perfume. It was something that always soothed her. Maura's heart fluttered feeling Jane's arms unconsciously tightening around her waist. Maura wanted to wake Jane up and talk to her about what she was feeling but watching her friend's relaxed face, she decided to not do it. And her cowardice also helped to take this decision. Instead, Maura buried her face in Jane's neck and went back to sleep.

The serenity of that Sunday morning was interrupted by the buzzing coming from Jane's phone. Half-asleep she reached for it on the bedside table trying not to wake Maura up. Jane's casted a glance at Maura - who was still hugging her in her sleep - and chuckled. Maura looked like a koala hugging a tree. She felt a little uneasy for this thought but she shrugged it off her mind as soon as possible. Kent Drake changed everything. Kent Drake changed her. What she was feeling wasn't fear. It was the weight of the realization that she was feeling something deep and powerful for Maura. Her bestfriend. Her female bestfriend. Her everything. It was the awareness of not being ready to talk about her feelings and maybe change their relationship. Forever. Leave the bubble that they've created around themselves. Take a leap of faith like that was something huge and meaningful.

Her phone buzzed again, remembering Jane that she still had a text message to read. It was from her mother. Her Ma.

" _Can we gather for the usual Rizzolis' Sunday dinner? Please, Janie?"_

Jane rolled her eyes at her mother words. They hadn't seen each other in months after an horrible and hurtful fight. Angela even left the guesthouse and went to live with Frankie.

" _I miss you. And Maura."_ Another text message and Jane groaned. Guilt kicking in.

"Maur?" Jane whispered kissing Maura's forehead. "C'mon, sleepyhead wake up." Maura answered with a grunt. Maura Isles grunted. Jane couldn't help it and laughed. "God, you're adorable."

 _What the fuck did I say?_

"Who knew Maura Isles, Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts is so lazy."

"I am not." Maura pinched Jane side to emphasize her answer. Jane gasped over-dramatically and Maura muttered "Such a child."

"Okay, smartass, wake up." The brunette patted Maura's butt jokingly.

"It's Sunday, Jane. I haven't slept so much since the last spring break in college."

"Oh! A story that I really want to hear." Jane's eyes sparkled in delight and curiosity and Maura shoved her a little before let her head rest on Jane's right shoulder. Her hand was drawing random pattern on Jane's abs. The detective shivered a little.

"Ma' sent me a message. She said she misses you…" Jane rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "Us. And…"

"Yes, Jane?"

"If we could… y'know, it's Sunday." And now was Maura's turn to shiver. Jane was caressing her back seeking some comfort. The blond took this moment to think about Angela and her reaction after the abduction. Angela blamed Jane for everything. For choosing such a dangerous job, for not having protected Maura like Maura did with her, hiring a bodyguard. And Jane… well, Jane lost it and the fight began. Jane was already feeling guilty about everything and Angela made it worse. The first few days after she saved Maura, the brunette couldn't look in her friend's eyes, afraid that the ME blamed her for everything. Maura never blamed Jane. How could she?

"If you don't want to see her it's understandable. But sooner or later, you two should talk. This situation is hurting you and I hate that." Maura caressed Jane's cheek forcing her to look down. Then she smiled. "It's not your fault, ok? I've never thought it."

Jane swallowed the lump in her throat and shut her eyes. Tears burning them.

"You should hate me." She whispered and then grimaced in pain, fearful of what Maura would say. But Maura was looking at her like she had two heads.

"I can't. And I don't want."

"You should." _Please, don't. Please, forgive me._

"How can I hate someone that I love so much?" Maura answered in matter-of-fact way. Like she had just said the most obvious thing in the world. And it was exactly like that.

"Do what you feel, Jane. But stop feeling guilty about something that was out of our control." Maura kissed her cheek before leaving bed. "Whatever you decide, I'll be there for you."

Jane was too stunned to come up with an "I love you too". She really wanted to, but words got caught in her throat. She looked at Maura make her way to the bathroom and then typed a reply to her mother.

" _Dinner at Maura. 7 o' clock."_

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 **A/N:** I hope you enjoyed this new chapter. Reviews make me happy :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Hold Me Till I Die**

 **Chap 03**

The afternoon passed uneventful. After a quick and light lunch at home, Jane and Maura went out to do some errands and purchase the groceries for dinner. Maura insisted to prepare something to eat, not knowing if Angela would have come to Beacon Hill and prepare dinner like she always did in the past. Sure, she could have just asked Jane but Angela was a topic that Maura wasn't eager to bring up with her friend. She knew that Jane was already nervous.

They were silent for most of the afternoon. Too wrapped in their own thoughts stirred up by their morning exchange. But it wasn't an unpleasant or embarrassing silence. No, it was nice and comforting. They both were thinking about what happened in the morning. Jane wanted to talk to Maura about it, she wanted to tell her that she loved her too but… She didn't want to talk about this before this dinner. Her nerves were already on the edge. And Maura… well, Maura wanted to reassure Jane about everything, especially for the "You should hate me" part that Jane told her that morning, but she understood that now wasn't the time to do it.

Maura sighed and began to take care of the groceries while Jane took off her coat and shoes and hung up Joe Friday's leash near the front door. She'd just came back after taking care of her dog.

"What do you want for dinner?"

"Pizza!" Jane immediately answered. She washed her hands and filled the tea-maker. Maura loved to have a cup of green tea in the late afternoon so she was going to make it for her.

"We're not going to order pizza for dinner, Jane."

"Pizza makes everybody happy. Pizza makes me happy." She knew exactly what button needed to be pushed to win this argument with Maura. Next step: whine like a child.

"I don't think your mother is going to be happy. What about lasagna…"

Jane stomped her foot in protest and Maura turn to face her, head tilted to one side and one eyebrow raised. Jane noticed that Joe Friday was doing the same, instead of the eyebrow she raised one ear, of course.

"Ok… you two are scaring me." Jane nodded and squinted her eyes to Joe Friday and then to Maura. The word "adorable" crossed her mind but this time she kept her mouth shout. "What if…"

"You know that I don't like what ifs…"

"Oh, for the love of Pete, Maura, just…" She sighed and laughed. "I was going to say… What if we make it? Y'know, home-made pizza? I'll help you. Please, Maura! I really want pizza." She pouted too.

Maura bit her bottom lip. She really wanted to make a good impression with Angela after all these months in which they didn't see each other - only quick glances at the BPD cafeteria. But if pizza was going to make Jane happy… well, Jane was her priority and so was her happiness.

"You're impossible." Maura answered shaking her head and laughing quietly.

"I know!" Jane exclaimed, knowing that she won this silly argument. She handed the mug with the hot tea to Maura with a soft and sweet smile.

Maura took a sip and then began to choose the ingredients to make pizza. She washed her hands and casted a glance at Jane who was plugging her iPod into the dock station. She tapped play and went to the fridge to grab a beer.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, take care of the topping."

"What kind of topping?"

"Whatever you want." Jane raised an eyebrow and looked skeptical at Maura.

"Really?"

"Yes, Jane, really." Maura laughed and rolled her eyes at Jane who pretended to be offended in a super obviously kidding way. She stood behind Maura and hit her friend's face with a handful of flour.

"JANE!" The ME tried to do the same with Jane. Jane's arms were hugging Maura's waist so tight that she could barely move. Jane was laughing and Maura took advantage of it: she turned in Jane's arms, facing her.

This made Jane stop laughing. The detective felt her heart thumping in her throat. Maura was looking at her with a spark in her hazel eyes and a huge smile.

She's so beautiful, Jane thought to herself.

"Jane?" This time, Maura's voice was confused but also inviting. Jane licked her lips and acted in a very Jane Rizzoli's way: without thinking about the consequences of her actions. She crashed her lips to Maura's and kissed her bestfriend. When Maura began to kiss her back, Jane's world came undone and she was falling hard for Maura - if it was even possible. With her head spinning, Jane tightened her arms around Maura's waist and pulled back from the kiss, needing air. Maura's eyes were still closed and her mouth slightly open. The detective couldn't resist and kissed the blonde again.

"See? You weren't scared when I sneaked behind you!" Jane hid herself behind humor, afraid of Maura's reaction.

"Only because I heard you. You were stomping." Maura deadpanned.

"I do not… A joke? Really? Are you making joke now?" The brunette's eyes were wide with disbelief and Maura laughed, leaning in to kiss her again. But everything stopped when Angela Rizzoli came into the house. Jane stiffed.

"You can't come inside like this! This is not your house, for fuck's sake!" She barked to her mother.

"Language, Jane." Maura muttered and after Jane's glance toward her, she muttered under her breath: "Sorry."

"Ma…" Frankie called her mother to stir a reaction from her, but Angela kept looking at Jane and Maura in shock. Frankie glanced at the two of them too and winked at Maura who couldn't stop her cheeks from blushing.

Angela then shook her head and went to the kitchen counter to place her groceries. "Maura, I thought I could use your kitchen to prepare dinner…" Angela spoke ignoring her daughter.

"Sure, Angela. We were making pizza, but…" Maura smiled timidly. "I'm going to change my clothes." She nodded to no one in particular and then whispered to Jane "Be nice." She wanted to kiss Jane again, but went to her bedroom instead.

Jane sensed that her mother needed time to process what she saw. Hell, she needed it too.

"Beer, Frankie?"

"God, yes, please." Frankie took this opportunity to go to Jane and kiss her cheek. Jane handed a beer to her brother and took a deep breath. "I'll give you two some privacy. Don't worry, Janie." Frankie smiled and sat on the couch in Maura's living room.

Finally they acknowledge their feelings, he thought and took a sip of Blue Moon.

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 **AN:** just a curiosity: They were listening "Hold Back The River". I thought it was perfect for their first kiss.

 **Reviews make me happy :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** thank you so much to everyone who took time to read, follow, review and favorite this story. You really rock, guys!

Here's a new chapter and I'm sorry it took me time to write and publish it, but life and Christmas got in between and I didn't have time :(

I just want to reply to two guests who commented last chapter: to the guest who said that take away food and movies it's something that those two ladies always do in fanfics and it seems that it's some kind of lesbian date... well, I don't know what you do with your friends, but every Sunday night I go to my bestfriend's house (she lives with her boyfriend) to watch a movie and drink something (cold or hot, it depends on the season), plus we all know that Maura and Jane do the same because we saw it on the show. I want to add that in the first chapter of this ff, they weren't eating, only watching movies and drinking eggnog, so I don't understand your complains and I'm sorry you didn't like this choice.

To the other guest who insulted one of my reader and reviewer, if you have something against this person, let her knows in private and not here, thank you. This isn't the place to do it.

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 **Hold Me Till I Die**

 **Chap 04**

The atmosphere in the kitchen was heavy. Neither Jane or Angela spoke a word since Maura left them to change her clothes in a clean pair of yoga pants and Jane's BPD grey shirt. Jane stole glances towards her mother, but she didn't know how to start a conversation. Instead she focused on baking their pizza while Angela was cooking her revisited "pasta alla carbonara" for dinner.

"Still nothing?" Maura asked Frankie once she seated on her couch. Frankie shook his head and took a sip of Blue Moon. Then he sighed.

"They didn't say a word since we came in. Maybe… I don't know, maybe it's better if we leave." He was fidgeting with his beer bottle and Maura put an hand on his. A shy smile graced her lips, but her eyes were full of worry.

"No, no… It's…" She swallowed and nodded to herself. She didn't want the awkwardness of this situation, but it seemed impossible to act natural. They had a lot to discuss, and the timing was the worst one. She wanted to discuss her kiss with Jane in private and not with Angela and Frankie. Not before she and Jane could talk about it. "It's just awkward and a little complicated. I don't want you to leave and I want to leave things like this with you or with your mother."

"You have nothing to explain to me, you know. You two kissed, it was about time, Maura." Frankie raised his beer and toasted silently to her and her sister, a grin on his lips. Maura blushed and looked away, but her smile said everything to him.

"Aww, you're so cute when you blush, Maura." He couldn't help the laugh the escaped from his throat. He wasn't flirting with her, hell no! He was just messing around and teasing Maura without malice.

"I'm going to check on them, maybe… give them a little push in the right direction." Maura patted his right arm and stood up, making her way towards the kitchen.

"Oh my, it smells delicious in here!" Maura's reaction was genuine but a latent nervousness was showing in her voice and in the way she was fidgeting her hands. Jane locked her eyes with her, pizza in the oven, and smiled a little smile. She saw how Maura was fidgeting and knew that she had to put an end to all of this tension. If her mother wasn't going to talk about their issues, Jane was now more than ready to do it.

"Ok, enough. Ma, I know that you're here to talk and not to have dinner with us, so go ahead. Talk, yell, whatever. I really don't care anymore. What you said three months ago hurt me in a way that you couldn't imagine."

That was the only encouragement that Angela needed to face her daughter.

"Really, Janie? You're hurt by me? What about what you put us through? What you put Maura through? Do you think that was okay? That didn't hurt us? Me? Her?" At these words, Maura felt the need to interrupt Angela.

"Angela, please. I can speak for myself and what I've said months ago was the truth. It wasn't Jane's fault and she didn't hurt me. She saved me. She found me." Maura took a deep breath because she didn't want to say to Angela and Jane what Kent was planning to do to her if Jane didn't show up in time to stop him. To kill him. He was dead now, so there was no need for them to know his intentions. "You have to speak for yourself and don't use me against Jane to prove how worried you were or how her job is dangerous. And honestly, if there is someone who have some guilt, well it's me."

"Maura…" Jane interrupted her bestfriend, but Maura raised a hand to stop her. Jane shook her head biting her bottom lip to keep her anger towards her mother at bay.

"Let me finish, please. And it's true, Jane. Drake worked with me. He worked for me. You didn't like him since the first time you met him, but Jane… he was so similar to me that I didn't feel like I was the only one weird. It was nice to have someone who could understand me."

"I understand you and I don't think you're weird."

"Yes, Jane, you think it, but it's ok. I know that you don't think that I'm weird in a bad way, I get it, honey." Maura was so focused on what she was saying that she didn't realized the term of endearment used to address Jane. "He tricked me. I should have known better than this, but I didn't and I let my guard down." So down that Kent even kissed her, but she wasn't going to bring it up again. "So, Angela, you can see that everything happened to me wasn't Jane's fault and I would be really glad if you don't stand up for me in this. Your daughter knows that I don't think that she let me down."

Angela listened to every words Maura said to her and was embarrassed by herself. She didn't think that Maura could stood up like this for Jane. She lost her mind and unleashed her angers and worries at Jane three months ago and the consequences were horrible. She lost her daughter's respect, Maura's and Jane threw her out of Maura's guesthouse.

"I'm sorry, girls. It's just… I was so scared and I wasn't thinking clearly. I still am scared of losing you both and Frankie, what can I do? What can I say? I'm a mother, your mother and I love you so much…" Tears were threateining to fall from her eyes and Jane felt sorry for her. Her work was dangerous, indeed, but it was something that she really loved. She gave up a lot to become a detective, she worked hard, she bore all the sexist jokes, the insults, and she became detective Jane Rizzoli. What if Maura couldn't stand her job either?

 _I don't like what-ifs, Jane._ She could listen Maura's voice in her head trying to reassure her. And Maura never complained about Jane's job. Not even when she shot herself, lost her baby to save a girl, jumped off a bridge. Jane looked over Maura and smiled to her when her bestfriend locked her eyes with hers. They can have an entire conversation with only one look between each other. Maura returned the smile and walked to stay beside her, taking Jane's hand in her.

"Ma', I know that my job it's hard to bear for you and having Frankie following my steps makes it harder, but I love it. I know that I don't wanna do anything else." Maura squeezed her hand to give her some strength. Jane squeezed Maura's hand back and shrugged her shoulders. Angela nodded. She knew that the only thing that she could do was to accept it and support her daughter no matter what and that thought made her realize that it was something that she needed to do not only in regards of Jane's job, but also in regards of her relationship with… Maura? Because they were in a relationship, right? Little she knew that the two didn't have time to talk about it and what she saw was their first kiss.

"So…" Angela nodded towards Jane and Maura's laced fingers.

"So it seems that we finally have a doctor in the family like you always wished, Ma'." It was Frankie. Of course. He listened to them from the couch and when he knew that the _fight_ was over, he made his way towards to the kitchen to grab another beer. Jane rolled her eyes annoyed, then glared at her little brother and at Maura who was giggling. Doctor Maura Isles not only groans when she doesn't want to wake up, but she also giggles when she is embarrassed or amused. Jane wondered how many other cute noises Maura would do in different situations. She stopped her mind before thinking about something inappropriate.

"Damn, sis. You're so lucky. This lady is an hell of a kisser!"

"What?" Jane didn't yell. No, she growled like a wild animal.

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 **AN:** review make me happy! Next chapter will be the last one of this story :)


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